I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
