I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
