Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
