So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We are all done wearing pants today
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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