i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
