I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
