Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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