So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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