Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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