better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
