ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
