Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
