Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
