can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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