you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
how does that bad decision feel?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
