Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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