chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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