a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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