even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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