So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
