I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
