cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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