Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
