I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
