So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
