I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
