he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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