too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize