you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
