I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
