hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
