she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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