Ambien. No doubt about it.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize