Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
