I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Randomize
