Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
