DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
