I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
