I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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