3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
