I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Randomize
