is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You smell like stripper and shame
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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