He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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