I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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