a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
