Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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