WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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