Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
