I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
