she looked like the bat from fern gully.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
