just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
