Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You are the jesus of drinking
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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