this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
