everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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