very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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