did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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