Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
