apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
