If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
you never un-have a 4some
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
