I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
