I think I am morally bankrupt
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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