And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
