There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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