Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize