i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
