Plan B is the new Plan A
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
